all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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