I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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