I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
