I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
