I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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