my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize