So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
