She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
