Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
