I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
