dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
