If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is wine microwaveable?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just puked most of my soul out..
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