last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
