I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My liver just had a heart attack.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
