U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just cropdusted the office
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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