Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
