dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
