Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
