she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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