My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
