The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
