Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
