my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
