Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
