I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
