I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
