Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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