Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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