I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
