This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
