oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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