Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
