i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
