I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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