Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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