there's paper in my vomit.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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