Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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