I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
