I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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