booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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