But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
