how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
