Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
