mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
