she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
