I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm passing your future prison.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
