We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
