you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
