i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
