sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
