Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just found puke in my bra..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
