oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have already put on my inside pants.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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