so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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