Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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