Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
