The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
