i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
