they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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