Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
