Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
