I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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