Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize