I think I died a long time ago.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
