no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
