I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
