i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
