capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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