Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
